my offer has been sitting in my email inbox since last friday. i opened it once, briefly, while i was in seattle, just to glance over the congratulations to make sure i heard the recruiter correctly over the phone and to look at the base salary and signing bonus. since then, its been left untouched. i havent read the benefits attachment, nor the relocation one, and i cant remember the other documents because i havent bothered to read them. the deadline to respond is next friday, but for some reason, i feel no sense of urgency. not even a sense of excitement. when i first got the news, i was overcome with relief and happiness, but now, i just feel a little empty when i think of the future.
maybe its just a little premature denial. i cant believe i only have two quarters left in la before i have to leave the life ive built there. from my recent trip to seattle, i know that i dont love the city. la has its moments, but to me its still a concrete jungle and way too much traffic. what i love are the friends that ive made there, that ill be incredibly sad to leave behind. i know that despite the distance, nothing will change. although less often, the times we do see each other will be exactly the same as they are now. well be there for all the big things- birthdays, holidays, and maybe in a couple years, weddings- but what im saddest about is that ill be missing the little things: going to taco tuesdays and eating tacos til our stomachs ache, morning after pho, boba runs, playing the moustache game as we watch episodes of friends, i could go on and on.
and what about my relationship? starting august, ill be working full time in norcal, and youll still be taking classes til the end of the year. that means at least a quarter of long distance while im pulling 50-60 hour weeks and youre living the college life. when you start working in investment banking, the most demanding career you could possibly take on, itll be ever harder. i can only hope that you start in sf, but even so its too early to tell anything.
i just want everyone, myself included, to stay in one place. i just want everything to stay relatively constant, and like it is now. but thats impossible.
part of why im hesitating to accept my offer is because accepting it means accepting the reality of the very close future. im not quite ready to do that yet, but i have to be.
definitely going to live up the next 8 months.
Didn’t See That Coming of the Day: Jason Russell, co-founder of the controversial nonprofit Invisible Children and the star of its ultra-viral fundraising campaign video KONY2012, was arrested yesterday in the San Diego neighborhood of Pacific Beach for masturbating in public while under the influence.
The San Diego Police Department says Russell, 33, was taken into custody after he was caught masturbating in public and vandalizing cars. Lt. Andra Brown also noted that he was under the influence, but did not identify the substance.
His overall behavior was said to have been “Very strange.”
UPDATE: Invisible Children has just released the following statement concerning Russell’s public display of self-affection:
Jason Russell was unfortunately hospitalized yesterday suffering from exhaustion, dehydration, and malnutrition. He is now receiving medical care and is focused on getting better. The past two weeks have taken a severe emotional toll on all of us, Jason especially, and that toll manifested itself in an unfortunate incident yesterday. Jason’s passion and his work have done so much to help so many, and we are devastated to see him dealing with this personal health issue. We will always love and support Jason, and we ask that you give his entire family privacy during this difficult time.
Sharpie Commercial - The Proposal
Tooo cute :)
Little notes are my favorite. <3 Loveeee handwritten stuff!
Limitations of time force us to make choices in life; we trade off one thing for another, choosing what we believe will bring us the most happiness and satisfaction.
Sometime in the last year, between getting too exhausted to go to the gym and moving into an apartment that required too far of a walk to Wooden, I stopped playing volleyball. No more open gym Mondays and Wednesdays, no more peppering with Marvin, no more Helmet Flicks (<3), no more IM. My sport got traded off to recruiting, to ACA, to school.
While I was in Wooden today, I passed by UCLA women’s volleyball team practicing. I stopped to watch; they were playing 4 on 4 queen of the court, with music blasting from speakerphones on the side, the rhythm of their bump, set, spike matching perfectly with the easy beats. My heart sped up a little as I watched these motions, all too familiar. I remember the motions, but I don’t think my body could do them anymore. Aligning with a hitter’s shoulders and staying light on my toes to dig up a pass. Watching a set peak before approaching for a hit. Tossing the ball with the perfect, slow, backspin for a jump serve. I really wanted to play, but I definitely would not be able to like I used to.
I miss it. Now that I think back, volleyball is in part what defined my first year of college. While there was always the wild, the new, the spontaneous, certain things I could count on: Nerd Herd, my pledgesisters, and playing volleyball.
And found one of my closest college friends through it. Still think it was absolute fate that we met the first day in the elevator. I miss you, Marvin.
I know the rest of my quarter, I will be tied down and completely committed to studying for finals, but as for next quarter and on, I want to make some trade offs. I want to trade some of my obligations for things that I actually want to do. Because of my commitments, I don’t have as much freedom to do all the things I want, but I want to do more of what I want to do.